i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
