You're completely useless in the revolution.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
