you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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