she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
