my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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