I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
