Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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