you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
