Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
