If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
