Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
