you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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