I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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