apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
