Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
