the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
