woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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