I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Randomize
