My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
