what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
