I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
