I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
