I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
