go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
