Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
