filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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