I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
