when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
