glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
