I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Shame - the story of my life.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
