also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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