He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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