it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
