That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
