vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
