I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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