It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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