went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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