My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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