I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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