I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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