I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
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His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
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It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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