Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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