i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
