dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
