Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize