I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
