The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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