I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
