I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
