Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
