I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
