you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
