what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
