I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
