First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
