i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
