I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
