In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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